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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it weighs on our relationship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion film you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean all those around her is content. She must to honor Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?